fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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