I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
