My first STD was from a foam party
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
