Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
