You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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