funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
