Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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