You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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