my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
