Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
