At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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