we're blogging at a bar
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Holy sore nipples Batman
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
