Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just forgot I was standing up.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
