He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
