My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
