I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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