I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
