I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
