He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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