Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize