It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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