I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
