Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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