dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
