If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The power of my boobs compel you
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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