That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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