They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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