In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
