We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
