i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
