gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
