It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My ATM looks so different sober.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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