i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
