Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
