They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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