toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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