i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
