Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
