My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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