I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
