Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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