dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
