Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
