Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
