So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize