you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
