hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
