I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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