It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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