If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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