Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
