So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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