where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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