does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
