Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
