Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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