sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so let's talk penis.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
