I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I want a musical about memes.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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