My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
