How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
