we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
