She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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