just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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