You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
