I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
