How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
