oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
