he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize