I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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