I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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