Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
