my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
