He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
