What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
