i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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