So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Drake has all the answers
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
