Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
