And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
