I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
