Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
