I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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