omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just want to make out with him forever
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
