And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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