the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
