You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
