didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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