Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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