so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
