I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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