Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
