Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
