Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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