the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize