I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
