I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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