I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
