I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
