As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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