Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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