fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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