At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
